Monday, June 4, 2007

the art of the swoop

Im sitting here drinking a beer after having just smoked a few snaps out of my friends new bong. This guy is ruthless. He pretty much changed my outlook on theft in general really. We'll call him Union as that is my nickname (one of many) for him.

Before 2006 I could probably count the amount of things ive stolen on my 10 fingers. I never really felt comfortable putting things in my pocket surreptisiously(?) or stealing things when cameras are around, until I met Union. Some people think this dudes a clepto when I talk about him, but hes really not. Basically, his mentality is that if he can steal it, hed rather do that then pay for it. With everything. Hes fucking Ruthless. He takes it to an odd level too. For example, we were at cold stone creamery the other day getting some ice cream. The girl gave him his ice cream and he went and sat down without paying. This creates a pretty awkward situation. This tactic of his puts a lot of pressure on the person waiting on him. If theyre a dumbass and the place is busy, theres a good chance they wont even realize he hasnt payed. In this case the girl was staring him down as he sat there and ate it, while he avoided any eye contact and acted completely casual. A timid person wont even call him out here. I could see the girls inward struggle as she stared him down, until finally, "excuse me, thats 4.95"-"Oh right, here you go" Ruthless.

For the most part his thievery takes place in grocery stores and clothing stores. He is also really good at stealing expensive shoes. Go into the place with a cheap pair of flip flops, get some shoes, try them on, ask the guy to get a diff. size, stroll out of the store briskly. haha. He is also ingenious with stickers. I didnt realize how easy it is to take the sticker off a set of 50$ sheets and place it over the sticker of a 250$ set of sheets and 99% of the time the person at the register wont notice.

I broke my swooping (our word for stealing) cherry at the grocery store. Basically, myself and Union swoop meat like you wouldnt believe. I eat filet mignon, new york, dry-aged ribeye steaks at least 3 times a week. Its incredibly easy to swoop a 50$ steak at some of these stores in california. I have to shower and go to my friend COOPs house now, but I will delve into the art of swooping further in posts to come. I could go on for a long time on this topic, and I will.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

I hate blue balls

So she finally texts me. Im at my friends downtown watching that show on spiketv The Ultimate Fighter. The text says something like "where are you I want to hang out" hmm. Ive noticed when she sends aggressive texts like this shes usually drunk. I tell her what im doing and that ill be back at my apt. in an hour. "No I want to hang out now"

I dont reply right away in fact I wait until im back at my apt before bothering. Im still wondering what my night with this chik will look like. She sends some more texts that are slowly becoming unintelligible. looks like shes pretty drunk. damn. turns out shes at a party right next to my apt complex. I finally meet her outside and escort her back to my place. Shes walking like a toddler thats been sniffing Ether. or something. I ask her how much she drank she says 5 shots in 30 minutes. Not the best idea for a 105lb girl. but shes so fucking cute. she has work at 7 in the morning and shes all fucked up so i dont even try. you have to be pretty sleezy to make moves on a chik when shes in that state. we end up passing out in my bed 2am style. raging boner from midnight to when she leaves. hate that.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Quick thoughts on the opposite sex

Women are one of lifes greatest achievements. I Always hear my friends, people, say things like "Oh shes way out of his league" or way out of "their league". Rubbish. You are as good as you think you are. Yes im talking about confidence. If you have it, women will follow. There is however, a huge difference in confidence vs. cockiness. Cockiness is usually implied with assholes and women dont like them. If youre wondering what the difference is, well, one quietly exists and the other is kind of a desperate plea for attention.

Regardless, there is a great movie that covers this topic, albeit somewhat indirectly. The movie follows an overweight, not exactly 'ugly', but pretty witty guy who bones chiks left and right. The movie is called "The Tao of Steve". Look into it. The actual Tao of Steve is a set of principles that are designed to obtain women that you would not normally be able to.

Rule 1: Be desireless. Women are intuitive creatures. If you dont already know this then..nevermind. Anyway, a hot chik expects every guy she meets to want to fuck her. She expects this because she has been conditioned. 99% of the guys she meets want to fuck her, and theyre blatently obvious about it. This turns them off instantly. As soon as they sense it, by your look, tone, whatever, they subconciously/unconciously/conciously LOSE interest. So eliminate all feelings of desire and TRULY eliminate them.

Rule 2: Be excellent in her presence. Once youve eliminated your desire, now you have to prove your sexual worthiness. Basically, impress her. Doesnt have to be an athletic type of achievement, or saving someones life. Thats not realistic. Be Creative. You can be morally excellent in her presence as well. ie.-help a total stranger, be good with kids, etc, just impress her.

Rule 3: Retreat. Basically, "play hard to get". Once the woman has become intrigued, now is the time to retreat. Women are fickle and silly. Dating them is a game. Yes, a game. And im teaching you how to play way out of your league. I know girls that have completely lost interest in a guy once they found out he liked her, even though they were OBSESSED over him the day before. Remember this.

Keep in mind this is mostly for the average guy that wants to date hot girls. If youre goodlooking and get them anyway, well, this can still work, probably even more effectively. Im fortunate enough that women usually notice me before I notice them, but using this tactic has still proven very effective. Is this shallow? I guess. Us men are at a disadvantage. Biologically. You see, we are designed to be constantly horny. An unnattractive girl following the above rules would most likely not obtain the same result as a guy. This is because women are not bound by these biological weaknesses. In other words, a beautiful woman can become attracted to an ugly man off his personality alone. In this regard, personality, charm, wittiness, basically the ability to make her LAUGH is far more important than looks in the game of romance. Combine looks and the previous ability.. lethal. My only advice is be QUIETLY confident.. the women will follow.

First entry..

Hmm so I have finally comformed to the latest in online trendiness. Blogs. But I have to admit there is something appealing about an online journal. Something of an outlet? Who knows. But it would be pointless unless I were entirely candid? Right? So for the purpose of integrity and entertainment I am going to keep myself and all peoples that I mention anonymous..

My life is.. dull? no. feckless? kinda.

I am a student at a community college in california. Although this was my last semester I think.. I dont have a major in mind so I am not motivated by school. At all. Its been like this since 8th grade I believe. Fortunately Im one of those people that is smart enough to get by on basic knowledge. You know those people, dont take notes, fuck around, dont listen, show up and get a B somehow. Thats me. Except for math, I mean how the hell am I supposed to just KNOW how to do formulas and algebraic equations without studying them? at all? cant. Thats why math has been fucking me since 8th grade. yikes.

So here I am failed all of my classes this semester..yeah I stopped showing up. Ive been in 'college' now for two years, four semesters. I guess I graduated in girls, poker, and jiu-jitsu. haha. Yeah I train brazilian jiu-jitsu and have been since senior year high school, 2 years exactly now. Im glad I found JJ. I dont know what the fuck else I would do to keep in shape if it werent for Jiu jitsu..

As for poker. yikes. what a stressfull goddamn job. Ive made around 3500$ over the last few months and lost probably 1200-1500$. Unfortunately I live way too decadently. I piss money away. Mostly on good food (i eat very healthy, with the exception of some munchy binges) some clothes, and weed. Yeah in california its hard to avoid smoking. If you smoke weed and you live in cali, you know what I mean. Im from the east coast, and the bud isnt comparable by any means. Seriously. The weed in cali is ridiculous. I mean they have fucking medical clubs that you can walk in to and buy name brand weed. Crazy. Theres an absurd amount of these clubs too. All over the place, at least 10 in the small city that im living in. Anyway, I really have to go the bathroom (yeah to take a shit, im a guy, deal with it). I will continue to post on this blog thing. Im just not sure what.